2016 has been an uneventful year that has just passed me by. One minute it was March, my brother was moving to another country, again, and then the next minute it was George’s 1st birthday. Although we had George’s milestones all throughout the year nothing else happened. Watching George grow from a tiny little human that couldn’t even hold himself up to pottering about the room all by himself was the highlight, he looks so cute and funny when he waddles about the room, squealing with joy with a big scrunched up smile on his face.
So like I said 2016 was uneventful, we didn’t have a holiday, we went out out once, my blog has continued to grow but very slowly and in all honestly I feel as though life is passing me by and I don’t have any control over it. It’s as though I’m wasting the precious time I have doing nothing. I have so many things on my bucket list that I want to achieve but I just can’t do them, so many places I want to go but can’t afford. I’m itching to go away somewhere but it just won’t happen any time soon.
Although the year has been uneventful I am grateful for that and much prefer uneventful compared to the previous years that I’ve had with my mum being treated for cancer and my Grandma passing away. A big issue for me is that I’m 26 with a child and still living at home whereas everyone else either has their own place or recently bought a house, buying for us is completely out of the question as where we live prices are extortionate for just a nice-ish two bed flat. I don’t mind renting, I just long for my own space now, a place to call my own.
Most of the year sailed by however it ended in the shittest way possible. A relationship where we are no longer engaged and trying to hang on to what we’ve got, not from us being unhappy but because an eruption on Christmas Day with in-laws has left me feeling uncomfortable and unwelcome and I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, especially when people can’t see the error of their ways. I don’t think anyone really realises the extent in which they’ve actually hurt me, it’s crying in the shower and whenever I think of the whole messed up situation kinda hurt. People always say ‘Take the high road’ but sometimes you shouldn’t have to, sometimes people don’t deserve your forgiveness, and that’s ok.
I’ve always been quiet, from the age of five when I used to hide behind my mums legs to now hiding behind Brent at family gatherings because that’s just me. I’m not rude or think I’m better than anyone, it’s just me, I’m quiet and shy and I like to just watch and take things in, I’ve always been the same and I certainly won’t be changing for anyone. I’m not a heavy drinker, nor have I ever been and now I have George I stick to my limit as I don’t want to waste the next day hungover and feeling ill, I have a child to look after, I want to be a responsible adult and that shouldn’t cause judgement from anyone.
I’m annoying around my family and friends because they are my family and I feel at ease with them. My best friend Hayley I have known for nearly 7 years and she see’s the blunt side of me, the quiet side where I don’t want to talk, the side where she can’t shut me up and we haven’t had a single argument throughout our years together. I don’t think she really knows just how much she means to me and sometimes I just wish I could marry her.
I know certain people will read this and spread the gossip like wild fire but I’m not worried about that, I rarely share personal posts, espeically ones to this degree but sometimes it’s best to get things off your chest in whichever way feels right, and this feels right.
Next year I hope to finally achieve some things that I have wanted to for a long time, starting with passing my driving test. It’s been hanging over me for such a long time and it will be a great feeling to finally succeed. A cliché new year’s comment is being healthy and exercising but I honestly can’t wait to get back into it, I lost 11lbs in the summer and slimmed right down. I only have a few more pounds to go until I’m back to my pre baby weight and I couldn’t be happier or more proud of myself for sticking to it.
As always, thank you for all the support with my blog and my shop. All you lovely bloggers who have bought products, shared them on social media and tweeting links, it’s amazing and still so surreal knowing other people are using planners I have designed and made. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been able to stay at home with my son so I can’t thank you enough.
As for everything else, who knows what 2017 will bring, your guess is as good as mine. It’s clear that I am unhappy at the moment but I’ve been through worse and I can do it this time, it just takes time. I hope that my 2017 post will be all smiles, roses and unicorns but for now, I wish you all the best for the year ahead. Take opportunities by the balls and don’t let go unless you’re unhappy or don’t suit you anymore. Be yourself, don’t change for anyone and live life to the fullest, that’s my main goal this year and I will be damned if anyone will get in the way of that.
So *raises glass* here’s to a happy and healthy 2017 you lovely bunch!
Lots of love,